Morality of Fandom vs Family

[Midas Mulligan]

That's funny. Shitbird was a close second when we were debating nicknames for my daughter.


For the record, I was going to leave the post just at the line above. But lately I've been doubting that the full forum understands my sardonic humor.

I'm absolutely certain a minimum of 75% of my jokes are missed by a minimum of 75% of the forum. I'm sorry, but I refuse to add a laugh track just to make shit more audience friendly. I'm like Arrested Development season 1.

ETA: that's a perfectly fine nickname. I use it for my dog all the time. One part of this statement is true.

 

[Ulrich]

I'm absolutely certain a minimum of 75% of my jokes are missed by a minimum of 75% of the forum. I'm sorry, but I refuse to add a laugh track just to make shit more audience friendly. I'm like Arrested Development season 1.

ETA: that's a perfectly fine nickname. I use it for my dog all the time. One part of this statement is true.

It's also what Kevin constantly said to Larry when he wouldn't pass him the ball.

 

[Angela Miller]

It was bound to happen at some point. In 2 years I've not yet missed a home game at YS, but for the first time I have a family conflict.

My 11-year old daughter plays viola and will be playing 2 concerts as part of her summer camp, one in a concert hall in August, and one on a stage at the beach in our town on September 17, the same day we host Dallas.

I ask the following in all seriousness, partially as philosophical questions and partially as practical questions to address this specific situation.

• What is the morality of the obligations of fandom vs family?
• What are the rationales by which one makes these decisions?
• How does one value a streak (e.g., never missed a game) vs a non-replicable or limited replicability experience (e.g., this may be the only time I ever see my daughter play in an orchestra in this particular outdoor venue)?

This is why your so grounded Sweetie!! We have the benefit of social media you know everything as it happens and Dvr so your not missing shit! You have both at the same time you just take of the family business keep your cell on check the score and that's all ! Then when it's all good with the family bring them or watch a game with them when you can so then the 2 worlds are compatible! Look you know Andrea's my Life !! But Yes and don't faint if my Family and friends and yes Pigeon Shits reading this I Have Real Friends need me or something like that in my life's going on Even He's gonna take the back seat!! So I Hope what i said helps!! and to all the Pigeon Shits I'm Warning you I have the right to speak my piece like anyone else to FootyLovin ! So Keep Your Unfucking Wanted Comments, Pictures, Video clips or what ever you think of doing to yourselves!!! Do We Understand Each Other???? HELP This Man of Fuck Off for Eternity!!! Thank-You!!

 

[thesauerchise]

This is definitely the interesting question.

Also important, how good and how dedicated is she? What's her temperament?

I also wonder how much people are influenced by social norms in how they respond to this predicament. I bet it's not an insignificant number of people who say and would even do one thing, even if it's not their first choice, just because it's the "right thing" to do.

Wasn't there some whole book or theory out in the not too distant past about how it's total bullshit that we let our kids dictate our lives entirely and that's how we end up with these entitled, "I'm so special" shitbirds we have running about now (all of youse kids excepted, of course)? Don't recall the specifics, but I'm pretty sure that's what it said.

Being a STEP father I can tell you the devastation a kid feels when her bio father doesn't show up to her big school/life events. Considering he is perfectly capable of driving 25 minutes but a) forgets or b) doesn't have gas money (he's a grown man in age) it's rather depressing and can be impactful.

So he did what he wanted and she would have had no male figure in her life, no balance. Sometimes doing the "right thing" isn't just a cliche, but a legitimately important life choice.

And I would posit if you (Royal you, not specifically YOU) don't want to do the right thing....don't have children.

 

[Midas Mulligan]

Being a STEP father I can tell you the devastation a kid feels when her bio father doesn't show up to her big school/life events. Considering he is perfectly capable of driving 25 minutes but a) forgets or b) doesn't have gas money (he's a grown man in age) it's rather depressing and can be impactful.

So he did what he wanted and she would have had no male figure in her life, no balance. Sometimes doing the "right thing" isn't just a cliche, but a legitimately important life choice.

And I would posit if you (Royal you, not specifically YOU) don't want to do the right thing....don't have children.

Very different circumstances.

But I do think you can do the right thing and not show up to every damn thing ever. Presence or absence at an event is just a multiplier of what relationship is earned by regular behavior.

Hell, we played like actual meaningful conference games when I was in school at times that no one could be reasonably expected to come to. We had play performances in elementary school at times that were completely unreasonable. No one in my school made a big deal of it because mostly no ones parents could be there.

Your kid's biological father being an asshole has nothing to do with the greater point. Although, it does suck for her.

I have a question. How hard was it to take seriously the suggestion that RJ Allen should be considered for a USMNT spot during your last show? I laughed my ass off.

 

[thesauerchise]

Very different circumstances.

But I do think you can do the right thing and not show up to every damn thing ever. Presence or absence at an event is just a multiplier of what relationship is earned by regular behavior.

Hell, we played like actual meaningful conference games when I was in school at times that no one could be reasonably expected to come to. We had play performances in elementary school at times that were completely unreasonable. No one in my school made a big deal of it because mostly no ones parents could be there.

Your kid's biological father being an asshole has nothing to do with the greater point. Although, it does suck for her.

I have a question. How hard was it to take seriously the suggestion that RJ Allen should be considered for a USMNT spot during your last show? I laughed my ass off.

Not gonna lie on the Allen thing...I was stunned. I've never heard that theory until that moment and as much of a fan as I am it still seemed...odd (being nice).

 

[Midas Mulligan]

Not gonna lie on the Allen thing...I was stunned. I've never heard that theory until that moment and as much of a fan as I am it still seemed...odd (being nice).

I'll be honest, it was my first time actually listening to your show, although I've been subscribed a long time (but you don't sell ads anyway, so what does it matter). I thought you were pretty good in that even if I disagreed with some of your analysis of the team, it was mostly defensible (except for you hating Mix and buying a Grabavoy jersey).

The other guy sounded like someone who had maybe a touch of broadcast experience but little knowledge of the team or league. Is that correct?

ETA: I enjoyed the show. Failed to mention that earlier. Production and pace were really professional.

 

[thesauerchise]

Well the Ned jersey is from losing a bet, I need to wear it to a game this year. Trust me it's not my choice.

The Mix thing has been a long simmering discussion, you caught the terminus, which is slightly skewed from the 6 months of build up.

Mike has done a lot of small media work, photography and stuff, so he has a smoothness that I lack. I learn by listening to far too many other pods. I would also credit him for the pace and production, he's got it fine tuned after 79 episodes.

Thank you, appreciate the listen and the kind words. It's definitely a process, and I hope my opinions are at least from a place of rational thought and not over the top emotion. (Though my Brek Shea opinions are rather harsher).

 

[Goodfella]

I would love to hear more about it.

Red Bulls @ Philadelphia Union. Took the missus and family to dinner on the evening prior and got her a lovely gift as I always do, flowers on the morning of, but it still gets strategically pulled out of the "vault" periodically to be used against me :cry:

 

[Gotham Gator]

• I think that while this conversation has been pretty one-sided, it makes me curious what the breaking point is. What if it was her 27th recital of the year vs MLS Cup final? What if it was her 12th recital vs our 12th game? Does it matter if she has a solo or is part of the chorus? I'm fascinated by the philosophical choices.

Finally, I'm praying for rain. Recital is outdoors with a rain date the following day. NYCFC will play rain or shine.

Your third point, highlighted above, is really the crux of the matter; I almost put together a thoughtful post on the subject yesterday and am doing so now.

Obviously, your situation is not a close call. A major recital - a regular game, there's really no question about the right answer. But, you can easily posit a number of situations that are a lot closer to the line.

I long ago gave up in the negotiation with the wife over when I will miss family events for sports, and so I routinely DVR things and watch them later. Of course, that was before this Club existed, and I was negotiating rights to watch the Gators on TV and not the rights to sit in a stadium to watch a favorite team live. I missed the first Red Bulls game this year because we were having friends over for a BBQ of all things, but for that I am eternally grateful (see, it's not all downside).

You just have to take into account the frequency of the conflicting event, its importance to the family, and factor in your own personal attitude about how often you should/could miss things.

And it's not all about sports. My wife is a doctor, and can't drop work at the last minute. So, she misses out on a lot of activities during the week because the stay-at-home moms up here like to schedule stuff during weekdays. Often, its not major stuff, but sometimes it is, like the show they put on at the end of summer camp that is coming up next week. Hugely important to the kids, they've been practicing all week, but for the 4th straight year, she will miss it - but I will be there, and that goes a long way.

Which brings me to my last point. Having one parent there instead of two is actually fine in almost all cases. Sometimes, you need to divide and conquer, and as long as it isn't the same parent missing all the time, it's a solution that should work for both the kids and the marriage.

 

[joe]

I'm a massive San Jose Sharks fan. Watched all my life, pretty much since their entrance into the league in 91.

I told my girlfriend (now wife) through our entire relationship that if we were ever going to marry and our wedding conflicted with a Sharks Stanley Cup game, she would have to understand where my priorities were.

Fast forward six years. Sharks make the Final for the first time in their 25 year history. Final schedule is typically every other day. Except for one game where they had two days between games. Played a game on Thursday June 9th, my wedding was on June 11th and the next game was on June 12th.

A lifetime of joking about the possibility of that overlap and it was within 24 hours of ACTUALLY happening haha

Now I'm not saying I was going to ditch the wedding for it, but I would have been extremely distracted...

Was wondering why your ceremony took place in a sports bar...

 

[RockShrimp]

One of your Ex-friends?

Nah. He's just gonna get ribbed about it for the rest of his life.

 

[NYCFCfan]

"You obviously go to the game." Said the 22 year old with no major obligations in his life.

Lion you and I are going to have to go to a bar to pregame one of these games. I'm just sitting here thinking "It's only one performance" and all of you guys are making me feel terrible.

Then again, I don't have children so I guess my opinions will naturally change as I get older.

Until then, I'll drink in your honor!

 

[Paul]

I also haven't missed a home game yet and I do everything I can to always be there -- not always in my STH section but always in the stadium somewhere. It is a lot easier for me than most of you: No kids here, none on the horizon, and my entire family lives in the midwest. I basically only have to juggle work responsibilities and social events from time to time. With all of that said, I do agree that people should prioritize family/kids events over sports in most cases, but I feel like there definitely should be some wiggle room depending on the circumstances.