SCENE
MLS 2019 Scheduling Video-Conference Call July 2018
The Don: OK, first let's set the big opener for Allianz Stadium.
Robert Kraft voice: You should make NYCFC play them since they don't even have a stadium yet.
The Don: Good idea. Hey Bob, why aren't you on video?
Kraft: I, um, I'm in a spa in Florida.
The Don: Sounds good! Does NYCFC object?
NYCFC: [empty chair in dark room]
Don: Where's NYCFC?
MLS lackey: It's the middle of the night in Manchester.
The Don: [sigh] So, United.
DC: Yes?
Atlanta: Yes?
Minnesota: Yes?
The Don: [sigh]
Minnesota United, when should we schedule this for?
MU: Well, the stadium is gonna be ready weeks before this, but the weather guys suggest we push it back so we don't have another Snowpener. I mean, we're proud of our ability to handle snow up here, but we want this to be perfect in every way.
The Don: So when then?
MU: Well up here snow is always possible, but the best weather guys assure us if we wait until mid-April there's a less than 1% chance. So April 13 sounds good.
The Don: Done. Somebody email NYCFC.
[Lackey emails NYCFC]
NYCFC: OUT OF OFFICE: "As it's the close season we're travelling on holiday trailing a caravan on the motorway. Ta."
END SCENE
NEW SCENE
MU Social Media office last weekend:
MU Tweeter 1: We beat the Red Bulls. I'm so killing them. NY is black and blue!
MU Tweeter 2: You know we're opening Allianz against NYCFC next. Make it NY is black and BLUE so they know we're trolling them, too.
MU T1: Isn't that premature, rude, and tempting fate?
MU T2: You Minnesota Nice people are tiresome. What could go wrong. Here, give me that. [SEND TWEET]
END SCENE
We're gonna win.