Welcome to Scouse Stadium! Let's go NYCFC, a few rules to go over. There is a two Kraftbier minimum for all attendees regardless of age. You can choose from 200 varieties all pumped directly to your section. All sections are general admittance and standing only. That includes you over there in the wheelchair! Ok, look to your left, look to your right, if one of these people does not have a smoke grenade, that means YOU need to go buy one at our concessions shop. OK..what's that from the back? You are allergic to smoke grenades? Get the hell out of the stadium right now gramps! You were told when you bought your ticket that we didn't want to hear your shit about smoke. In fact, SECURITY! ARREST THIS MAN! now... where was I, Ok, did I mention our free get out of school passes for all attendees?
Oh, and if you have kids with you, get ready for me to give them a nice lesson on droppin' the F-bomb. It's 2015, kids need to know how to curse up a storm. After all, it's a soccer match. Fuck you, Dad!